Part of starting the blog again is to have a little outlet, share my experiences in what I hope to be a realatable and honest way, but also it is to give me a little bit of focus doing something. Pre baby I used to love sewing and making things, but my sewing machine broke, I never fixed it and also, the fear of waking a sleeping toddler with a sewing machine? Unreal. I did used to like running and swimming but parent life has made my joints feel like they will never move like that again... they will, I know this, I'm being dramatic. I used to paint and draw and make things too but all these things have all fallen away a little... Even so, I want to take a minute to just explore with you what self care looks like for me.
A few months ago, someone asked me what hobbies I have. Stumped. Hobbies? Sorry? Are you kidding, erm, I have a kid? I can't possibly do anything for myself, I have a small dictator living in my house, a complete time swallower, I don't have time for a hobby?! Now I think about this response, and as I am clearing my brain and feeling a bit more coherent I can see that actually it hasn't been about not having time for a hobby (though alone time is minimal- hell, I cant even take a crap without a toddler audience!) it has been about not having brain space for a hobby. Everyone saying "Oooh self care self care! You have to do something for you!" actually is not that helpful. It has just made me feel like I'm not practising good self care because I don't have a hobby. In actual fact, not having a hobby right now IS my self care.
I have a busy job and a busy toddler. My body is busy. Equally so, my brain is busy. My thoughts fly around at a hundred miles an hour some days, and other days they completely stop. I can't always keep up with or predict what I might feel like one day to the next. Just like I can't predict how much sleep I might get, how strong my coffee will be (or how hot for that matter!) or how my day at work might go. One thing I can predict is that by the end of the day, I am exhausted.
My self care is sitting the fuck down and processing my day. Processing how I feel about things that have happened and generally having a moment in time where I can try and be still.
What this usually physically looks like is pyjamas, a blanket and a Netflix series. The care I practice is giving myself some time to either think, or not think. Sometimes the latter is more needed.
I don't meditate. I don't be mindful. I just recap, process, stop.
See, I dont want this sitting down to be confused with laziness. I like being outside, moving about, walking the dog, swimming, playing, doing. But sometimes these activities are too much for my brain. This might not make sense for some of you, and this is my point. What works for your brain doesn't work for mine and that readers is what I call REAL LIFE. Of course our brains aren't all the same!
All this might change and I find a hobby and think "Wow, I have been missing out!" and that is okay because I am an informed, very very privilidged adult and I can make choices (whether you like it or not) to do things or not do things. Right now, what I am choosing to do is sit on my sofa with a blanket, play games on my phone, watch TV, chat with my husband and be at home. I don't do this everyday (most of them though!) and I make the most of the free time I have when my kid goes to her grandparents to go out with friends or my husband etc but sometimes my Self Care is sitting down and being quiet. And that, is absolutely okay.
What Self Care do you practice that might not be seen as Self Care? What is your 'thing' ? Is it the more traditionally seen "Self Care" (which don't get me wrong I LOVE, massage, bath, candles etc- geddit) ? Is it sport and excercise? Let me know- open my eyes, show me some options I could try!
(Also as a p.s. I will up my image game soon, I just dont have a great camera or a great brain for it right now so words are the focus, bear with me. I do have a little instagram on the go though if you want to give it a little follow here)
Nice post! Such a relevant area of discussion at the moment too. I’d say the fact that you realise that you need to recap and process at the end of each day IS being mindful. Most people, as soon as there is a moment of quiet, habitually reach for their phone. Not because they feel it’s what they need, but to subconsciously avoid thinking too deeply. You actually make a conscious decision to do what it is you need, whether productive or not. Modern society relentlessly claws at your mind if you let it, especially when you’re a parent.
ReplyDeleteProductive doesn’t always mean conductive, especially when mental health and the balance of every day life are concerned.
I know I have to read. In the morning, if I don’t have my coffee and read the news or a book, I feel I’m not in control of my life. And I’m mindful when engaging with this routine that I’m not talking to Marissa, which can make me feel guilty. As an adult, many things come before you. Being mindful is allowing yourself to embrace the calm moments in a tension-filled society. Whatever form of calm you need on that day ☺️
For me.......Singing!!! Whether in the bath, doing the dishes, in the car or at my choir. Distracts the mind, allowing recovery. Who cares what you sound like. Sing like no ones listening!
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